Disability due to falls, assaults, or accidents can elicit various negative emotions such as injustice and resentment towards oneself, the offender, or the circumstance. Harbouring negative feelings related to the disability can impede recovery and affect the well-being of an individual. The meaning and relevance of forgiveness depend on each person. Others find it easy to forgive, while some may take time to embrace forgiveness especially self-forgiveness.
Forgiveness is an individualised and personal process. In forgiveness, people learn to reduce negative feelings and replace them with more compassionate, accepting, and self-affirming thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. However, forgiveness is not an easy process. Instead, it takes time depending on the nature, severity, interpretation, and impact of the disability.
Forgiveness is often associated with an offender but, there are instances where forgiveness also applies to oneself. Like forgiveness, self-forgiveness involves recognising, confronting, and reducing negative emotions and transforming them into more positive ones, but it is directed towards oneself.
Despite the complexity of forgiveness, the forgiver benefits most from the situation because the person chooses to face instead of suppressing the hurtful and negative feelings associated with the disability. The forgiver gives up negative emotions such as injustice, resentment, or revenge that hinder the person from moving forward. By taking responsibility for one’s feelings and thoughts, the individual learns to exert personal power and behave in a way that promotes internal healing
Common barriers that can impede the ability to forgive
- Viewing the process of forgiveness as a weakness
- Believing that one cannot let go of the past
- Feeling hopeless or apathetic
- Blaming oneself, others, or God
- Feeling self-righteous or filled with self-pity
- Waiting for another person to recognise the error of one’s ways
- Unwillingness to ask for help
- Lacking an understanding of the meaning, methods, and relevance of forgiveness
- Continuing to hold an emotional grudge and to ruminate over the hurt or offence committed
- Engaging in avoidance behaviour of the hurt or emotional offence
- Resisting the process of letting go of their negative thoughts and feelings because of fear of what might happen once a person lets go of the hurt
- Placing explicit conditions on forgiveness such that forgiveness is not given until the offender has apologised or tried to make an amends
- Feeling of undeserving of forgiveness
Instances where forgiveness is given or applied
- Oneself or other people for the transgression committed
- God or a higher being
- People who have committed disability-related offences
- Employers that display bias, stigma, or societal offences towards individuals with disabilities
- Family members, relatives, or friends who cannot accept the disability and its associated changes
- Collective hurts such as derogatory remarks or discrimination from nameless people
- Medical professionals who made a serious mistake and caused further injury to the person and the disability
Understanding the power of forgiveness and its role in helping people function positively is essential because it aids in better coping and adaptation.
Benefits of Forgiveness
- Reduces negative emotions such as anger and resentment
- Promotes positive emotions
- Increases self-esteem
- Decreases the tendency to hurt themselves or others
- Reduces desires for revenge against oneself or other people
- Improves interpersonal relationships
- Increases problem-solving skills
- Restores hope
Although forgiveness is of value to everyone and anyone living with a disability, it is not easy to happen, especially when deep hurt and offenses have occurred. Moreover, it cannot be forced because it requires a process. When people hasten the process of forgiveness, especially when they are not able, willing, or ready yet, it may backfire on them, causing more problems. Instead of reducing the negative emotions, it may do the opposite and increase the intensity of their anger and resentment.
Process of forgiveness
Uncovering Phase
- Recognition and awareness of current thoughts and feelings and their impact on the overall functioning and well-being.
- Exploration of suppressed and conscious negative thoughts and emotions and psychological defenses used to repress them.
Decision Phase
- Assessment if forgiveness will help benefit or hinder them from the healing and moving forward process.
Work Phase
- Act of learning and working on forgiveness.
- Attempt to let go of the negative emotions towards oneself, the situation, or the offender by reframing the offense, the offender, and personal pain in a more compassionate way.
Deepening Phase
- Process of doing the act of forgiveness and finding meaning in their pain or severe event, understanding that they are alone, realizing that there is hope, and moving on in life in a positive manner.
Self-forgiveness allows individuals to release themselves from pain, learn to find meaning in their situation, and live better lives. However, forgiveness is not always an easy process. It is neither linear nor hurried. Instead, it takes time for someone to practice self-forgiveness. Despite it, taking into consideration the importance and benefits of self-forgiveness is already a good step, but in one’s own time and pace.
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REFERENCES: Stuntzner, S., & Dalton, J. (2015). Forgiveness and disability: reconsideration of forgiveness as a vital component of the rehabilitation counseling profession. Journal of Applied Rehabilitation Counseling, 46(3), 35-43.
Stuntzner, S., Dalton, J. A., & MacDonald, A. (2019). Application of forgiveness in rehabilitation psychology: a positive option for change. International Physical Medicine & Rehabilitation Journal, 4(4), 184.
Stuntzner, S., & MacDonald, A. (2016). Disability and forgiveness: An intervention to promote positive coping for persons with disabilities. Annals of Psychotherapy and Integrative Health, 25(4), 36.
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